Are You Coping? Or Are You Cured?

Just because someone is learning to cope with their chronic pain does not mean that they have no pain.  Hopefully it means that they don't still suffer every minute of everyday.  But that is not always true.

Coping is learning how to deal with the pain. Being cured is having no pain.  Unfortunately this is RARELY the end result for a chronic pain sufferer.  But it does happen for a chosen few.

Most chronic pain sufferers do not want to draw attention to their suffering.  Who wants to be the source of worry for others?  Who wants to feel like a burden all the time? Who wants to be in pain?

Taking the kids for a walk, holding a child, playing with a toddler, washing the car, doing laundry, cleaning the house, making the bed, tying their shoes....this all can bring pain to a chronic pain sufferer.  Yet, when coping with the pain, a chronic pain sufferer does it in a way or in a time frame that minimizes the brunt of the pain.

Unfortunately, this works as what has been called a "double-edged sword." (Well put, Ed)  It leads others to believe that the person no longer has pain because they are doing all these things.  So in the minds of others they are normal again. You can't fault those who think this way because this is what they want for the chronic pain sufferer!

Then come the expectations.  From the sufferer and others.  The next thing you know, the pain comes and others are confused because a week ago he/she was perfectly fine.  That is such a misconception!  They weren't fine.  They were coping.  They were concentrating so hard on appearing well, that now they cannot concentrate at all!  They were enjoying the ability to do the things that they want to do so badly all the time and can't.

When the sword goes the other way, and the chronic pain patient is in pain and they say something it seems like they are tagged as "complaining."   Or "Here we go again."  What the people around the sufferer don't take into consideration is that this person lives with pain everyday, more pain than the normal person couldn't even begin to bear.

If you really knew what that person goes through on a daily basis, you might stop and think about these kinds of labels.  Most sufferers I know don't complain unless they feel pain that is just absolutely unbearable.  And even then they still look for ways to cope.  And when they can't they sometimes feel like they have failed.  This includes myself.

I know that I don't speak for all chronic pain patients.  However, I use my situation and write about the things that I go through hoping that I can encourage another sufferer or someone who knows one.  Pain is very misunderstood.  But it doesn't have to be.  We just have to talk about it and try to understand.