How To Leave If You Are Afraid Of Your Spouse

If you are afraid of your spouse, you don't have a choice but to leave.

Abusers put you in a box. They limit your activities, conversations and relationships. Their goal is to make everyone in your life think you are crazy. This is how they gain control.

How do you take away the control of an abuser? Leave.

For all the reasons you are afraid of leaving you need to seriously consider why you have to leave. If you won't do it for yourself, do it for your children.

How you ask?

Make a plan. Do this discreetly so as not to alert your spouse. Call one trusted person that you know will help you. Whether they can help with finding you a place to stay or can just help you leave. This person needs to be someone that you trust though. Not a mutual friend, not an in law. Loyalty is something that people stick to even when they know someone is being abused. They don't want to get involved. Most of them fear the abuser too.

Decide what to take.  Forget about taking everything you own. You may have a whole day to move out. You may have minutes. You have to plan for either scenario. Just the necessities. If you can't live without it, take it. If you don't want to live without it, don't take it.

Build a support system. It doesn't matter if you have only one friend you can trust. It doesn't matter if you don't. You can call domestic abuse hotlines that will give you advice and help you make it out. These calls are discreet and your spouse doesn't have to know. They are there to support you. Churches can be a good source of support too. And it doesn't hurt to talk to God in this situation. He will protect you.

Take legal action. If you have called the police for the abuse you have done the right thing. If you haven't, that is ok too. It is never too late to uncover an abuser. Find someone responsible to watch your children so that as soon as you are gone you can file a Personal Protection Order. This gets the police involved and they are aware that abuse has taken place.

Seek Therapy. Victims of abuse have a high tendency to develop anxiety disorders. You need to be able to talk to someone who help you confront what you have just went through. You need to take care of yourself and determine how you got in this situation. You have to be able to recognize the signs of an abuser so you don't repeat the cycle.

Find financial support. Get a job. This is important so that you can stay one step ahead of the abusive spouse. It will also build your self-esteem and help you to stay focused on your goal. You can make it on your own. It may seem impossible, but it is not. Be responsible with your money and make sure you can pay the rent, the utilities and maintain some sort of transportation. Whether you own a car, or ride a bus. You have to be able to get to work.

Teach your children right from wrong. You don't have to bash your spouse to your children. You can teach them that putting their hands on a person or talking down to a person is wrong. You don't even have to mention the spouse. It is common sense. You also need to make sure you stress to your children how important it is to tell you if someone has hurt them. They need to feel safe with you.

Some people stay in an abusive marriage because they are afraid they will have to fight for their children. You fight for your children every day when you live with an abuser. They are constantly portraying you in a bad light and the fact that you allow this makes your children see you as part of the problem. They may not think this at an early age, but as they get older they start to see that you don't care enough about yourself to do anything about it. They lose respect for you.

Staying with an abusive spouse opens up the door for your children to become victims of abuse, and also abusers. They see how their parents live and they seek out someone who will give them the same life. Not because they like it, but that is how the cycle of abuse works. It is stability for them even though to an outsider is considered unstable. It's what they know.

Some victims of abuse stay because they are afraid of what their spouse will do to them. This is just a threat that the abuser has put in their head. If your spouse is going to kill you it doesn't matter whether you stay or go. You are giving them easy access if you stay.

You cannot afford to stay. The abuse will get worse, and you will slowly stop living life. God does not intend for anyone to be a doormat to someone else. No one has a right to hurt anyone else. Stand up for yourself and your children. You are worth it!