Grief: Why Does It Make A Sane Person Doubt Their Sanity?

When my dad passed away I felt like I was losing my sanity.  Little things people said irritated me.  Of course, these are common things said when someones loses a loved one, but I didn't see it that way at the time.  I thank God that people said these things though because it helped me get through my grief, instead of wallowing in denial.

How Are You Doing?  The famous question.  I didn't want to talk about how I was doing.  My dad was dead.  How did people think I was doing?  I hated that question because I didn't know how to answer.   Did they want to know that I didn't want to live without my dad?  Did they want to know that I couldn't stop crying?  Did they want to know that I was angry at God?  Or did they just want a simple answer, like ok? 

What Did You Do Today?  Instead of seeing it as a way to live in the present I saw it as an attack.  So what if I didn't do the dishes or clean the house?  My dad was dead and I didn't think cleaning was important.

What was your dad like?  This was another comment that cut me like a knife.  I didn't want to talk about my dad.  The memories of his passing were etched so deeply in my memory that I couldn't think of anything else.  And,  I hated saying "My Dad was..."  It was so final.  To me, my dad would always be with me.  But to others, he was gone.  I hadn't accepted this fact yet.  I kept waiting to wake up from the nightmare.

What's For Dinner?  A harmless question.  One I had heard for years.  But, I was so sad that I couldn't even think of eating, much less coming up with a family meal.  "Whatever you want" was the easiest response.

What Do You Want To Do For Your Birthday?  Or Happy Birthday!  This was a tough one for me.  I had spent my birthday with my parents the year before my dad died.  The call about my dad happened 5 days before I was supposed to leave to spend my birthday with them again.  As far as I was concerned, I didn't want to ever celebrate my birthday again!  I didn't even care if anyone remembered.

Just Remember...He's In A Better Place Now.  To tell you the truth, this comment just ticked me off to no end.  He wasn't with me and that was not right.  My Mom didn't have him anymore.  That wasn't right.  My sisters and brothers didn't have him anymore.  That wasn't right.  My children didn't have their grandpa anymore.  That wasn't right.  A better place?  What a joke.  I didn't care where he was, he was supposed to be here with all of us!

When you are grieving you tend to see things differently.  Normally I try to see the positive but during this time all I could see was the negative.  I am not mad people asked these questions, I am thankful that they kept asking and helped me see that life would go on. 

I do know that my dad is in a better place.  He is no longer suffering and he is with many of his loved ones that went before him.  His mother died when he was only a teenager.  I am sure he was glad to see her.  Just like I will be when I see him again.